just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
