I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
