Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
