If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
