you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
