he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize