I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
