you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
