you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize