Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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