look no pants
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
