remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
