Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
