I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
