I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Enjoy the penises
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
