im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
