Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh god the rape fog is back!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
