I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
