Life is so much better after having sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
