His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
