So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
