I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
