We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He passed out mid-signature
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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