apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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