He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize