just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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