Pappa wants mamma naked
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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