If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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