u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize