Umm I'm too high to move.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's always time for handjobs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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