Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize