i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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