next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
