when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
