You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
