we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
