You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
