You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize