My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
