do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
