who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
