Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
birth control should be required to get into college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
