I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
