i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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