I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize