we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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