Your dad touched me again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
