Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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