My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
