i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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