I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
