are you still at the devil's house?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
