when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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