Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
