i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize