She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
