I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
