Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
