Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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