If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
