I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
