Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
