i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
