Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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