Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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