My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
