According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
