I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
