I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
